Ralph Gardner Jr. has a few ideas for a public-service campaign
A rare and wonderful opportunity has come my way. So rare and wonderful that I am paralyzed with indecision.
The opportunity: Work with Kathy Delaney, global chief creative officer of the advertising agency Saatchi & Saatchi Wellness, to come up with ideas for a public-service campaign addressing an issue vital to New Yorkers. The problem: There are so many things about this burg that leave room for improvement—as frequently joyous as the experience of living here can be—that I don’t know where to start.
That is a bit of an exaggeration. I do have a few ideas, but I feel it best to limit myself to peeves that might fall into the public-nuisance category, ones that might be attacked with a therapeutic helping of humor, and leave the life-or-death issues to others.
So here are my top candidates that seem ripe for storyboard treatment, which I believe to be the first step in creating a PSA:
Spitters: Who are these people? Where were they raised and by whom? And why do they apparently find nothing off-putting, let alone antisocial, about launching a projectile of saliva in the path of fellow pedestrians? This issue resonated with Ms. Delaney, who recalled dodging a Molotov cocktail of phlegm on the very morning of our meeting.
Chewing-gum abusers: You might not realize it, but those marks on the sidewalk that make the city look like it has chickenpox, or blackheads, are the result of chewing gum being ground into the pavement. Why do people feel compelled to share their masticated Dentyne or Juicy Fruit with the world? Can’t they continue chewing until they reach the next trash receptacle?
Clueless drivers: When I threw open the PSA challenge to my family, they reminded me of my fury whenever I’m stuck behind a motorist going 45 mph in the left-hand lane—seemingly oblivious not only to the law and driving etiquette, but to humanity in general. Maybe there needs to be explicit signage addressing this scourge, or better yet cops as quick to ticket slowpokes as speed demons.
ENLARGECrying babies: This was my wife’s idea. She doesn’t blame the children. She blames their noise pollution on bad parenting. Her belief is that infants can be persuaded to stop wailing and return to their adorable selves if moms and dads possessed the minimal instincts it takes to address whatever compelling issues are causing their little ones to cry.
Walking zombies: The problem of pedestrian weavers, veerers and full-stop texters constitutes an epidemic yet to peak. Sometimes it feels like “Night of the Living Dead” out there. People seem utterly oblivious to their surroundings. Might you good people find it in your benevolence to take that all-important call from your mom somewhere other than the steps descending to the 6 train?
Manspreading and other incivilities. Not all males do it, though they seem to represent the vast majority of miscreants. I’ll do anything short of shimmying up a subway pole to avoid physical contact. But the issue does touch on something more fundamental: an utter indifference to the social contract. Maybe we need to start posting the social contract in prominent locations, similar to those Heimlich maneuver how-to signs in restaurants.
This ought to give Ms. Delaney and me something to start with. What’s our next step? A soundtrack and a celebrity spokesperson?
Write to Ralph Gardner Jr. at ralph.gardner@wsj.com